Friday, September 26, 2014

Where have all the Grownups gone?

I’m tired of just about everyone being younger than me.

Where have all the grown-ups gone?

Who’s in charge here?

Certainly not me.

Nowadays, all I see are baby faces staring back at me.

I stop a police officer—or he stops me—to ask a question, and I’m looking into the face of someone who still uses a razor with a plastic blade.

I greet the mail lady walking up my walk and I confuse her with the Girl Scout cookie girl.

“I’ll take 2 boxes of thin mints…and thanks for dropping off the mail.”

I see my doctor and just before he gives me my blood work results, he gets distracted by a fire engine racing down the street and shouts…

”Nang nang!”

Where have all the grown-ups gone?

Who’s taking care of us?

Even the President and probably most of congress is younger than me…which I guess explains a lot.

“Hey, that was my idea!”

“No it wasn’t!”

“Yes it was!”

“No it wasn’t”

“No fair!”


I mean, I can recall being concerned when I was old enough to run for president.

“I can’t be president…not unless I can still write my daily “Twin Peaks analysis!”

Now, most of my friend’s kids are old enough to run for president and just might.

You know, once they move out of the house or at least get their own phone plans.

Need to hire someone to keep your back porch from falling down?

Don’t be surprised if he or she shows up with a tool box that says Fisher Price on the side.

On Halloween, make sure you only give candy to the kids…I mean the ones under 5 ft.

Have a question about the new Super HD-3D,  Internet TV you want to buy…feel free ask the in the in house tech expert, but make sure his mom says it’s okay.

Truth is, I really don’t have any sort of problem with any of these “young” people being in positions of authority. I mean, I can respect anyone who is knowledgeable and approaches their job in a serious, professional, conscientious manner…and can sing the theme song from Gilligan’s Island by heart…both versions…without Goggling it on their smart phones…or watches…or glasses….

Is that too much to ask?

The world has always revolved around the young, and the young are the ones who open our eyes to everything that’s been staring us in the face forever, but we’ve been too set in our ways to see.

Except when they're binge watching “Orange is the New Black” on Netflix.

Then you have to wait.

But after that, they’ll approach the world with fresh perspectives and attitudes that allows us all to evolve as a people…the same as we did when we were the “young ones” and all the old farts ahead of us were constantly knocking our new ideas and questioning our readiness for authority.

And I still say everyone would be wearing portable beverage dispensers on their back by now if only that misanthropic stone aged, Luddite had listened to me 35 years ago!

Okay…I’m digressing a bit so I better just leave well enough alone.  Let all the young folks sort it out.  After all, they’re the ones with the time…at least until happy hour starts.

I’m going to go practice taking more selfies…I almost have it down.

My 12 year old selfie master tells me I only look like half a nerd, now…..


 "Like" the Retorts on Facebook
Or just Tolerate them ...if "Like" is too much of a commitment

 on Twitter   

Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail

I know...too many options. Probably better to just go back to bed....




  1. It's tough when one's usurper still indulges being a baby burper and ask to have their back patted.

  2. It's ok mr Howell will always be young at heart...

  3. Good bye Mr. Chips indeed.

  4. you've all made me really feel old. Mr. Howell, Mr. Chips??? Really?? Couldn't we find some you
    nger older people? McCartney...Jagger...Buffett...I'd even settle for the professor! Why if I were just 20 years younger...I'd still be 40...which is still pretty freakin old. Sighhhhhhhhh....

    1. many moons i did mention you looked like jimmy buffet....put a parrot on your shoulder... maybe you can find one at a TAG sale ;0)

  5. What is a selfie? I have a smart phone but am too dumb to use it! Sweet 62

    1. Staying dumber than your smart phone...the only way to stay out of trouble.....

  6. Sixty is the new 40. So is 88.

    1. I totally expect to hear from you one day saying "100 is the new 60...."


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”