The Freelance Retort: Risk Taker

Friday, January 27, 2012

Risk Taker

As we sit here, closing out the last full week of January, I have a confession to make.

Since 2012 began, I’ve become quite the risk taker.

Yep…up 'til now I’ve been playing it pretty safe my whole life, so I just decided to go for it.

Just like that Hail Mary pass at the end of the first half of the Giants/Packer game a couple of Sundays ago.

So here’s what I’ve been up to.

I started putting my pants on two legs at a time, every morning.

Yep…took some getting used to, and I admit that a couple of times I kind of put two actual legs into one actual pant leg, but that was early on.

I’ve pretty much gotten it down to a science now…once my ankle healed.

And I have to tell you, I do feel kind of empowered.

Plus it saves me at least a minute a week in dressing time.

I’m also planning to make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear…if I can catch a sow…after I figure out what it looks like…and how to make a purse

But I guarantee it’s gonna be a nice purse, being silk and all.

I’m definitely counting my chickens…way before they’re hatched. Probably before I even have any chickens, cuz chickens can make quite a mess, so why would I want chickens. But I’m still gonna count ‘em.

I’m finding an old dog and teaching it new tricks.

I’m closing the barn door after I let the horses out. Why wouldn’t I? I should just let all the heat escape too?

And speaking of horses, I’m definitely gonna lead one to water and make it drink...a margarita. Who doesn’t like a margarita?

I’m gonna keep the bird in my hand, which to be honest is a little weird, but I’m gonna get the two in the bush, as well. Maybe three….

I'm also not killing them, with one stone or any stone. Besides being cruel, after going to all that trouble to get these stinking birds, why on earth would I want to kill them…?

And If I come across a sleeping dog…I’m defintitley waking it up.

I’m going to wait on that stitch…even if it cost me nine. One stitch… nine? I mean really, who cares?

I’m gonna pass on the apple a day.

I might even bite the hand that feeds me.

Or add insult to injury…just because I can.

I’m definitely having my cake and eating it too. I mean what moron wouldn’t? You’re supposed to just let it sit there and go to waste?

I’m calling a spade a shovel.

I’m gonna spray it when I say it.

I might beat around the bush all day…all night too, if I feel like it.

I going to Barnes & Noble and judging all the books by their covers.

I already spit into the wind… but I don’t recommend it.

If I don’t succeed I’m quitting.

I’m gathering moss with a rolling stone. Maybe the weird little drummer guy.

I’m waiting until dark to make my hay.

Even though the iron’s cold…I’m striking.

I’m gonna start a journey of a thousand miles with two steps…maybe three. Hey, if I can put my pants on two legs at a time I’m pretty sure I can figure that out too.

I’m also getting blood out of a stone.

Leading a bull through a china shop.

Switching horses in mid-stream.

And when I fall seven times…I’m not getting up an eighth. I’m getting myself a walker.

I’m going to beg…and be choosey.

If it didn’t hurt so much I would cut off my nose to spite my face. But that would be silly.

I’m going to be proud...after I fall...all 7 times

And leap before I look…which is probably why I fall so much, in the first place.

So that’s where I’m at so far in the first month of 2012.

I don’t know what February will bring.

Maybe something even more stupid.