Wednesday, January 4, 2012

So Fast...So Wary

It’s January 4thalready. 

Can’t believe it…..

How fast we speed through this tunnel of time...just like the old TV show ....   

It seems as if it were just New Year’s…and now—

Before we know it it’ll be January 7th, 21…then February.

How fast, how fast, how fast….

At least we’ve put those pesky Brrrrrrrrrrrrr months behind us.

And, as it turned out, there was very little Brrrrrrrrrrrrr in them this year. 

Now it’s on to the wary months of Jan-u-wary and Feb-u-wary.

Wary in that we can go from 70 to 7; Sunshine with southerly breezes to blizzard conditions with northerly gales in in a day.

Wary in that a simple stroll through the neighborhood can turn into a simple slip on a simple patch of ice, resulting in a simple twist of the back, leading to a simple twist to recover, leading to the next morning when you simply discover you’ll be starting off your next few days walking around the house like Groucho….that is if you’re simply lucky.  If you’re not lucky, you’ll spend the rest of your days at the chiropractor’s simply wondering why your back always wants to reshape itself into a pretzel like some sort of malicious memory foam pillow.

Wary in that the weather man might predict the “possibility” of a few inches of snow, “possibly” overnight…and you might find the supermarket already pillaged of all essential items necessary to sustain life for the couple of hours it might take for the snow plows to encase  the end of your driveway into an impenetrable wall of ice.

So maybe the grocery hoarders might have a point…..

Wary in that if it does snow you might drop your phone in a drift again and lose it for the winter…again.  

Wary in that if it does snow you might mistakenly bury your neighbor’s cat...again…under two feet of snow, while looking frantically for your mobile phone...again.

Hey, sure I felt bad about that—a little— but if the cat were smart it would have used the phone to call for help…right? Instead it tried to text…bad move. Cat paws are not made for virtual key boards.

Wary in that the over dose of “Holiday Spirit” and subsequent dearth, thereof, has left you in a state of “goodwill” withdrawal, which creates tension between you and any other small animals you may encounter….not to mention people, small or otherwise

Wary in that the over dose of “Holiday Spirit” and subsequent dearth, thereof, has left others, whose path you cross, feeling even drearier than you…especially the frozen cat, who was eventually fine, by the way, and spent the rest of the winter recuperating in Florida on my cut me some slack….


Wary in that the pot holes on your street will soon begin swallowing SUVs whole, which always leads to undue horn honking and complaints from the unlucky drivers who are anxious to be pulled out…at least for the weekend.

Wary in that there are so many things to be wary about you might find yourself typing them ad infinitum until eventually you begin speaking in Latin.

Wary in that this time of year is so uneventful, especially after spending the last six weeks or so writing about nothing but holiday related topics, that you might have trouble coming up with any sort of interesting idea that you might find yourself suddenly running out of words in the middle of a sent—


Have you picked up my new book “The Kingdom of Keys”?
No....what's up with that???
Better hurry before they're ALL GONE...which is a lie because they'll never be all gone...never....

So why not buy one just to reward my forthrightness..ness...ness?

You might even enjoy it.

And spread the word...cuz nobody else is....

Just sayin....
Available now at -  Click Here

And while your at it

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