Monday, February 20, 2012

Forlorn February

Trying to find things to write about in February is like…trying to find an appropriate analogy about February.

There's just nothing there....

I mean once you’ve covered the groundhog and cupid, there’s not much more to talk about.

I suppose there’s President’s Day, which is today, and if you subscribe to, means you have to honor ALL the presidents, and let’s face it…there’s a few clunkers in there no one wants to even remember, let alone honor.

But we’re happy for the 3 day weekend, nonetheless.

Lincoln and Washington used to have a corner on February presidential holidays, until another president in the early 70’s, who shall remain nameless, wanted in on the notoriety and combined the two days into one, creating a jambalaya of chief executive honorees.

And, as I said…we’re happy for the 3 day weekend.

February is also the only month with an indeterminate number of days, being already fewer than any of the other months, indeterminate or not.

So why is February so chintzy and fickle when it comes to its supply of days….and how does it get away with it?

You don’t see July trying to pull that kind of crap. Then again, who cares if February ends a day or two or three earlier than all the rest?

I think it has something to do with the sun and the moon and the availability of summer rentals at the Jersey Shore.

Got all that?

I also think the guy who was working on the “Julian Calendar”, way back when, was out sick for a while, and since everyone was getting antsy because they were missing all their favorite TV shows since no one knew what day it was, let alone what day the shows were on, they brought in the guy who was working on the “Julian Fries” to finish the project.

They figured if he was good with cooking potatoes, he was probably good with counting potatoes, which turned out not to be the case, since he couldn’t even spell potatoes, which accounts for the silly “e” attached, but not needed. Makes it sound like a “pot of toes”, which is neither appetizing nor appropriate.

Needless to say, potato boy, minus the “e” screwed it all up, which was discovered when Christmas literally “came early” that first year…sometime in October.

So when the “real” calendar guy came back from his mysterious absence (some say there was a calendar girl, or girls, involved), he took a couple of days away from February, but gave one back, every fourth year, which he called “Leap Year” since “Long Year” was already taken by the guy who married that loopy Kardashian chick...and this somehow fixed the whole thing. 

However, legend has it, the calendar maker was so incensed. “You gave this to a short order cook to finish?” that he insisted on adding Presidential elections and the Olympics as well.

So, the best that can be said about February is it creeps toward March, which ushers in spring.

Spring in turn drops us off on summer’s doorstep.

Which everyone likes… and there’s lots to write about.

But , like I said, there’s nothing to write about in February, which I just did for about 500 plus words….


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