Wednesday, February 22, 2012

Reincarnation’s Not For Everybody

Reincarnation’s not for everybody.

Mostly if you’re still alive.

If you’re still alive, reincarnation can wait awhile…or else it might get too confusing.

We’ve all seen and heard about people who talk about having had a past life; about having certain memories or talents that have passed over into their current lives.

There’s always some young 3 year old prodigy who can play Mozart like, well…Mozart…or your cousin’s 2 year old who strangely knew exactly where to find that wad of cash your great grandmother hid in that old sofa in the basement.

 So I guess it must be true.

The thing is, how come most people, who talk about their past lives, always think they were someone famous, like Michelangelo, Joan of Arc, Cleopatra, George Washington, Amelia Earhart or even Maury Amsterdam.

No one was ever just some guy from Idaho who grew beets in Oshkosh for a living.

Could it be that, maybe, you weren’t really Pythagoras, after all. Maybe you were just the guy who did Pythagoras’ laundry. The guy who actually worked up the famous theorem but never got credit for it because he mistakenly wrote it up on the back of Pythagoras’ laundry bill it and gave it to him by mistake. 

Why couldn’t you be that guy?

Or the guy who told Lincoln “Go on…go out and see a show tonight!  It was a long war…you’ve earned a break”.

You could be him…right?

And of course no one ever considers that maybe—just maybe—they could have been some sort of a cockroach or something. 

I mean somebody had to be…right?

Do you think the cockroaches just come back, as what…flies?

Or maybe you’ll be a cockroach in your next life.

Ahhhh…never thought of that huh?

But you’re thinking being a cockroach would be a major regression. 

Not necessarily true; maybe it’s a step up.  For one, cost of living expense for cockroaches are almost non-existent.  They don’t own…and, for the most part, don’t pay rent…and if they do it’s negligible. 

Cockroaches are not fussy eaters. They’ll basically eat anything that’s put in front of them, much like most of my in-laws…especially the guy-in-laws.    

But everyone appreciates a good eater.

Crime in the cockroach community is among the lowest of all pests.  You just don’t see a cockroach taking a crumb that doesn’t belong to him. It’s part of their strong, moral, cockroach code.

And that’s another thing…food. There’s always plenty of free food left behind by over indulgent humans that a cockroach rarely has to order in, which is good cuz cockroaches are notoriously bad tippers.

Cockroaches aren’t concerned about fashion.  Just about any kind of exoskeleton suits them, and when they get tired of it they just molt and grow a new one. 

And don’t forget about that whole cockroach survival thing. It's said that after any sort of Armageddon like event, which folks seem to like to predict every few months or so, the cockroaches are the most likely species to survive.

Them and Newt Gingrich. 

Not sure why. 

I think it has something to do with the levels of radiation cockroaches are able to tolerate.

With Gingrich, I think it’s more about a well-developed defense and denial mechanism.

In either case they’ll both probably mutate over time and grow to enormous proportions with large heads and egos.

Maybe even run for president.

So cockroach…Gingrich. 


See, the cockroach scenario isn’t looking half bad right now…is it?

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