Wednesday, February 15, 2012

The Sun is Angry

The sun is angry…apparently.

It’s been kicking up quite a fuss lately, stirring up all these cosmologic storms and spewing a bunch of solar particles down on top of us, here on earth.

I know….

Kind of scary, although they say there’s nothing for us to worry about, for the most part.

I don’t know about you, but when we’re dealing with astral particulate from the sun raining down on us…I want to eliminate “for the most part” from the equation.

You know?

Anyway, I’m not taking any chances so I’m only going out at night or, if I have to, only when it’s cloudy during the day.

You could get a nasty burn

So like I said...I’m being careful.

You should see the hole it burned into my neighbor’s lawn.

You know?

They say this is a perfectly normal phenomenon, these solar flares.

But of course they say a lot of things, whoever they are.

Like 4 or more Mallomars at a sitting is good for your heart.

Well, they actually don’t say that…I do.  I have to justify why I’m sitting here downloading half a box into my stomach.

But they’re Mallomars.

You know?

Anyway, they say they’ve been expecting solar eruptions like this one to become more intense as the sun enters a more active phase of its 11-year cycle, with an expected peak in 2013.

Sort of like my writing career in the nineties, which had its peak in 2003.

They also say, in recent years, the sun has appeared quieter than normal, leading scientists to speculate that it was going into an unusually down cycle that seems to happen once a century or so.

Or after it discovers it’s “sun girlfriend” had been stepping out with some young stud supernova.

Supernovas…so full of themselves…so showy.

But that’s how it goes with women suns. They always go for these young flashy types, mostly for the excitement factor, then after that initial burst of light and energy they’re left to wonder what they ever saw in this empty black hole in the first place. 

And in the end, they always go back to the same safe, boring sun they always knew. I mean you don’t just walk away from 4 and half billion years of experience.

You know?

So I’m thinking that’s what this whole thing is all about…a woman sun. 

So silly.

However, the one good outcome from all this solar angst is the amazing show of northern lights that illuminate the sky…in the north…I think.

Magnetic solar wind slams into the Earth's magnetic field, excites electrons of oxygen and nitrogen, thus creating an amazing aurora of green and red.

But you knew that.

I was actually out on my deck the other night and I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. Wide bands of color dancing through the clouds. It was as if the sky had opened to allow a small glimpse of heaven.

Then I realized it wasn’t the northern lights at all. Just my back door neighbor’s new 80 inch 3D TV shining through the big picture window in his den.

My backdoor neighbor…so full of himself…so showy.

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