Wednesday, July 9, 2014

Minding My Bee’s and Cues

I have an understanding with bees.

I don’t bother them and they don’t bother me.


So if a bee buzzes my head while I’m sitting on the back porch, sipping coffee, typing out some nonsense or another, you can pretty well rest assured that I won’t start whirling my arms around like an out of control windmill, making sounds that resemble a person who has just discovered his in-laws are, in fact, a nest of blood sucking vampires…even though he might have suspected for some time.
Just sayin….

No, the bees just flitter by…zip here, zip there…and sometimes take a gander at my Choc full O’ Nuts before zipping off on their merry bee way.

I mean unless they see what I’m working on and then, well, you know…everybody’s got an opinion.

Bees…you’re writing about us today?”

“Well, yeah…you know, whatever pops into my head on any given day.”

“And we popped into your head, today…interesting.”

“Well, you kind of buzzed by my head, and that’s what gave me the idea…more or less?

“More or less?”

“Uhm…yeah…more or less.”

Again, like I said, I don’t have a problem with bees...for the most part...but now there were about four of them hovering around my face, gawking at  my laptop, and, to be honest, I wasn’t quite sure what the reaction was gonna be, because, you know…everyone thinks it’s funny until it’s about them.

“So, what exactly are you saying about us...I hope it’s not that whole cross pollination thing again?”

What…no…not at all…that’s none of my business.  I mean who am I to judge, who or what or even how you choose to pollinate.”

“You’re darn right, that’s none of your business…you don’t see any of us going around making comments about—“

“Okay, okay, okay...I get it…nothing personal…relax.”

The lead bee, the chatty one, had now positioned himself directly on top of my display and was staring me down, eye to eye…or eye to eye to eye to eye …or whatever all those things they have on their heads are. And if I didn’t know better, I would have thought he was crossing his legs…all six of them.

“So…what are you writing about then?”

“Nothing really, just how I don’t find you guys threatening at all, like most people do.”

“Yeahhh…ain’t that the truth….”

I don’t know why, but for some reason the bee suddenly started sounding and taking on the characteristics of Bugs Bunny, rather than a bee…but I assumed that was just me, being me.

“You know you sound a lot like—“

“Yeah yeah yeah…I get that a lot…got a carrot, Doc?”

“Really…you eat—

“Please…I’m just messing wit ya! See, that’s another thing…nobody ever thinks of  bees as having any sense of humor.”

“Well, that might be because of that whole stinging thing…”

“Another unfair misconception!  How many times you ever been stung by a bee...a bee…not a wasp or a yellow jacket or a hornet, those hoodlums…but a bee…an innocent little bumble bee?

“Uhm…can’t say that I have…not really”

“No…of course not…because you don’t get all bent out of shape every time we zip through on our way to a little rose buffet.”

The idea of lunch seemed to get the bee excited. His wings began to flap a bit…and I admit, I wasn’t really sure how to take that since it’s very hard to interpret social cues with bees…but again, that could just be me.

“Well, that’s true, you guys don’t really bother me since I’ve never been stung…except by that baby wasp, that time.”

With that, the bee, lifted his little thorax up off the screen and hovered right up to my nose. “Hoodlums…like I said…giving us all a bad rep.”

“I suppose…but are you telling me you guys never get the old stingers in gear?”

And no sooner were the words out of my mouth that I regretted them.  But the bee didn’t flinch, or show any signs of offense.  In fact, it just seemed to make him a bit sad.
Still, again, who knows what a bee is thinking?

“I’m not saying, never. I can’t say never.  Sure, sometimes some hysterical ninny, will see us hovering about, innocently, checking out today’s soup selection, and they suddenly start flailing and wailing, screaming something about poison bees or some other such nonsense.  Then they start swatting at us with magazines, napkins, whatever’s handy and one of us will have to go in and put an end to it…which never ends well...for either the ninny or the Bee.”

“Wow…I guess I never thought of it that way before…wow.”

“No…nobody ever does…they can’t see past the stingers…and to them, one stinger is the same as another.”

“And they’re not…are they?” I said, trying to show a little support.

“Nah…they pretty much are …and if you mess with us, you’re going to find out just how much alike they really are!”

I sensed a little tension as the bee spun around and pointed his little stinger directly at my nose, so I thought I’d better try to diffuse it a bit.

‘Well, people do appreciate the whole honey thing.”


“And you are on a lot of cereal boxes…even lovable on TV and movies.”

“I guess….”

“And everyone‘s concerned that you’re hives are diminishing, again…and nobody want’s that!”

“Yeah, yeah, yeah…but that’s all talk because everyone thinks that’s gonna mess with their dinner or something…believe me, if they could find a work around, they would care less about us.”

“That’s not true… they’ve made documentaries about it, and the President has even financed a study to find out why you’re fading away.”

The bee seemed to take this information to heart, and settled back down onto the keyboard.

“Really…you wouldn’t kid a kidder would ya…even if he is is a bee, would ya?”

“Hey do I look stupid, to you….?”


This time I picked up my napkin and waved it directly at him.

“Okay, okay, okay, I’m just messing wit ya again. So I guess we both have a lot to learn when it comes to co-existence, don’t we.”

“Kind of like marriage,” I said, and we both had a big laugh.

Well, I did, I’m not sure what you’d call what he was doing.

Again…hard to read social cues off an insect.

And with that, the bee and his bee pals, swooped away, off to pollinate another day.

A lesson we should all take to heart…with one eye open, looking out for the swatter….


1 comment:

  1. While weeding out some comment spam, someone mistakenly deleted all the legitimate comments for the last month and a half, as well. So if you don't see your comment, that's the reason why. Sorry.... Rest assured I will be dealing with this Nar do well, most harshly in the coming days ahead...or behind...which ever is more painful....


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