Friday, May 1, 2015

The Zombies Love May Flowers

I was surprised to see the Zombies Across the Street out digging in their garden, the other day.

For obvious reasons.

Zombies tend to shy away from digging holes, of any kind, anywhere.

For obvious reasons.

Of course, it did cross my mind that they might be looking for someone who they just realized was missing.

Because when it comes to keeping track of things, Zombies are a bit on the oblivious side.

I lent one of them my bowling ball over the winter and when I asked for it back, all I got was blank stares.

Like they’d never heard of bowling, let alone a bowling ball.

So you have to be careful of that…among other things.

I mean, they’re Zombies.

So there they were, shovels and all, turning the soil, planting marigolds and geraniums, etc…even dead heading the daffodils, which they seemed to particularly enjoy.

For obvious reasons.

It was a particularly nice day, so I ambled over and said my hellos, which I say in several variations, and languages.

It really doesn’t matter since Zombies rarely respond to greetings anyway; they just sort of go about their business and ignore you, for the most part, unless they need something.

Then its handshakes for all—if they have hands—and slaps on the back—which can be dicey—and laughs all around…or something that I consider laughter, but I’m never entirely sure.

“That’s a nice assortment of colors your putting together, there,” I said, to cut through the awkward silence.  “Never seen black marigolds before…they really make the reds pop!”

The Gardner Zombie doing most of the planting, nodded and gave me a thumbs up, which I immediately put in my back pocket, to be polite.

“The daffodils were amazing this year, weren’t they? A little slow blooming because of the cold, but once they worked their way up out of the frozen ground, they were something. Looks like the tulips are going to be great, too!”

To which the Garden Zombie merely shrugged, which I found to be an indifferent, if not odd, response, until I realized that the concept of working their way up out of frozen ground was probably not that big a deal for a Zombie.

My bad….

Luckily, just in time to break the tension, there was a sharp squeal as one of the other Zombies had somehow fallen into the deep trench he’d been digging for a couple of new Bloodtwig Dogwood trees, which the Zombies seem to favor, for some reason.

My instinct was to rush over there and help the poor…thing…but I noticed none of the other Zombies seemed in much of a hurry to lend a hand—because they rarely get them back, when they do—to help out. In fact, most of them seemed to find the whole thing amusing, even going so far as to start back shoveling dirt into the hole.

The Garden Zombie just shrugged and made a circular coo coo crazy motion with his finger, which he also handed to me, and I again put in my pocket, to be polite.

Grandma Zombie suddenly appeared on the front porch carrying a tray of refreshments, which I took as my cue to skedaddle back across the street. If you’ve ever experienced Zombie refreshments, yourself, you know what I mean.  For some reason, they load everything up with salt.

 Not sure why.

Anyway, I bade my farewells—which are just as varied and diverse as my hellos—and wished them luck with their plantings…which again, was met with another awkward silence.

What was I thinking, saying "planting" to a Zombie?

You’d think by now I’d know what to say and what not to say to ghouls.  But it’s always tricky and I don’t.  So you have to be careful because you never know what you’ll find in your mail box the next day.

Yeah…you got it. That’s exactly what I’m saying.

You’ll end up with another invitation to their summer solstice party, which is always a hit or miss proposition, depending on the weather.

Zombies…can’t un-live with em…can’t un-live without em….


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  1. "The Gardner Zombie doing most of the planting, nodded and gave me a thumbs up, which I immediately put in my back pocket, to be polite." <--- funny. For obvious reasons.

    1. Thanks for reminding me...I forgot to take it out....

    2. The thumbs up tickled me as well ... the dead heading of the daffodils by the Zombies reminded me of Morticia Addams arranging the dead flowers in a vase and then snipping off the tops.


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