This Guy and That Guy

 

 

None of us think we’re “that guy”…regardless of gender.

We’re always this guy…not “that guy”… regardless of gender.

Okay, by now I’m assuming you get the gender thing.

Unless of course, you ARE “that guy”.

The one who never gets anything.

But I don’t think you are. I think you’re pretty sharp, otherwise why would you be reading this?

Or maybe, you’re “that guy” who’s not all that good at Google and always ends up on some random page, then doesn’t know how to get off it.

At least not until pre-school lets out and the 4 year old next door gets home.

But even if you are “that guy”, you probably don’t even know it.

You think you’re really “this guy”…having a bad day…or week…or decade.

It’s always the “other guy” who’s “that guy”…not you.

Generally Speaking

 

 

I’m not a big fan of generalities…generally speaking.

I like specifics, no matter what the topic.

You know?

If someone—anyone—has something to say, then they should just say it…good or bad.

As long as I know exactly what it is or where it is you stand…in most cases.

So if I go to a doctor with some sort of complaint, I want to know what the exact diagnosis is and, hopefully, the prognosis.

I don’t want to hear…

 “Yes, you certainly have something, and it may or may not get better. If it gets better, you’ll be fine…like most people. And if it doesn’t…well…you’ll probably be not so fine, but hopefully that will pass…sooner or later, and you’ll be good to go, eventually…unless you’re in the percentage of those who aren’t.”

That’s not at all helpful, let alone specific.

Let’s nail it down, people…nail it down…somewhere!

The problem is, if you do get specific and nail it down, then you’re pretty much locked in to whatever position you’ve taken.

Talking About Something Else

So many people, talking and writing about the weather…including me.

I guess cause it’s the winter and there’s not a whole lot else to talk about.

I mean, in the summer, at least I can talk about how hot and sticky it is.

I can also comment about the inappropriate beach attire worn by “some”.

Not that I’m opposed to inappropriate beach attire…I’m not.

It’s more the “by some” wearing it that bothers me.

Not to mention the people that complain about my thong.

Hey, if you can’t take the dazzle, don’t watch the razzle.

What…?

You’re asking me?

How would I know?

It’s not like I make this stuff up….

Zombies Hate Winter Too

 

 

 

 

The Zombies Across the Street hate winter.

I mean, sure…we all hate winter…but nowhere near as much as the Zombies.

And you can pretty much understand why.

Snowy, icy sidewalks are not conducive to Zombie ambulation.

In other words, they don’t walk real well in snow or ice.

You know, because of the shuffling thing.

Think about it. If you can’t lift your feet, then you’re going to get a lot of snow in your shoes.

And nothing makes a Zombie crankier than wet socks…other than holier than thou vampires who constantly flaunt their top of the line, fine tailored clothing in front of them.

Yeah.

You may not think it to look at them, but Zombies are pretty sensitive to the tattered condition of their wardrobes. Hey, can they help it if digging out of a 6 foot grave takes its toll on cotton, whether its permanent press or not?  

Plumbing for Entertainment

 

 

It's been a while, but I had to call Nardi the other day to unclog my pipe.

Not the kind of pipe you smoke stuff out of…

That I can clean myself.

I mean, if I had a pipe, which I don’t, and never did…and probably never will.

Unless I get all weird and sophisticated in my old age.

Or weirder and sophisticated ….

No, this is the kind of pipe you use to drain your bathtub, which makes more sense, since Nardi is my plumber.

If you’ve been reading these things for a while, you might remember that since I wrote all about Nardi and my plumbing, some time ago.

If you don’t, then you can read it here, now…if you want.  Don’t worry…we’ll wait for you to catch up

Hmmmmm Hmmmm dee dee da da deedee doo dum….

Sorry…obviously these folks are slow readers.

Doo dee dum dum dum (no pun intededed)

Do dee do….

Okay…everybody back on the same page now?

Hey, you…in the blue sweater.  Get off that Zombie story!

Sorry…some people are easily distracted…

Now, what was I saying?

Oh look…icicles!

Sorry…

Anyway, every now and then I have to unclog my bathtub drain since most of the hair that used to be on my head likes to settle down there on a daily basis.

At first, I notice it takes a bit longer for the water to empty after showering, but I can ignore that for a while, at least until the soapy water starts lapping around my knees.

The Winter Wall

 

I’ve kind of hit a wall where winter is concerned.

Actually, I’d like to throw winter against a wall, pick it up and throw it against the wall again…and again…and again.

That’s just how I feel.

I know… nobody really wants to hear about the weather, yet everyone wants to talk about the weather, especially cold winter weather, like this.

It’s a conundrum.

Me and My Shadow

 

 

I've been getting calls from people asking if I see my shadow.

Don't know what that's about....

Aren’t there rodents for that?

Wait…what?

Apparently the groundhog wasn’t able to get out of his driveway, this morning, due to the excessive accumulation of ice and snow.

But why is that my problem?

I couldn’t help even if I wanted to…despite my semi-rounded chin.

My shadow and I haven’t spoken in years…not since 2010.

We couldn’t agree on boundaries.