Monday, March 19, 2012

Too Many Rules

There are an awful lot of rules to follow every day, many of which are only implied.

Like squeezing the toothpaste from the bottom of the tube. 

How many of you follow that rule, or at least try to?

Yeah…I know.

How about pouring your coffee in the cup before you add your sweetener and creamer of choice?

I’m betting most of you do that. 

Or tying your right shoe before your left…and that’s always after putting your right shoe on before your left.

Do you put your right leg in your pants first or your left?

Maybe you’re a risk taker like me and started putting your pants on both leg at a time….

Do you always wrap a napkin around your ice cream cone?

Do you lick your ice cream cone from the bottom up in a neat circular motion?

I bet you never remove the tag on anything that warns “under penalty of law”, even though you know you should.

You never remove the garment care instructions from your clothes, even though you know how to care for your garments.

You save that little piece of thread and extra button that comes with your new shirt or sweater…you know, just in case.

You always put your glass and plastic recyclables in the red bin and paper in the blue, even though you know the recycling people can probably tell the difference anyway.

Do you always feel the need to applaud after any school concert or play?

Do you always have to say a newborn baby is “soooooo cute”?

If a friend tells you their 20 year old cat just died, can you ever not say, “Well he had a good life”?

Can you ever say…”Well, it’s just a cat…”?

Do you always lather and rinse…then repeat?  You know you’re supposed to; it says so on the bottle.

Were you kind, did you rewind…always?

You didn't store CDs in your CD player…did you?

And you can't bring yourself to get rid of them, even though you never use them...just like you never threw away your albums.

Using a household cleaning product in a manner inconsistent with its labeling is a violation of federal law.  So don’t do the crime if you can’t do the time.

However, reading the directions on a bottle of Windex through the blue liquid is next to impossible? But do you really need to read the directions on a bottle of Windex?

Is it mandatory to empty the powder drink mix into the container before adding water…or is it more of guideline than a rule. But it says so on the jar…so it must be a rule.

You always stay to the right and pass only on the left…right?

Always come to a complete stop?

Keep back 500 feet?

Always keep off the grass?

Ever turn on your computer without checking your e-mail?

Ever not open an envelope that says “You May Have Already Won!” even though you know you really haven’t?

Ever not open an envelope that says “You May Have Already Won!” without thinking of Ed McMahon, even though you know he’s been dead for nearly 3 years.

Do you call Poison Control if you ingest your mouthwash?

And should we really be putting a substance in our mouths that require us to contact poison control if ingested?

Why do we always have to “see more on page 4” when reading a story in the newspaper?

Why can’t a story in the newspaper just finish on the same page?

Do you always have to read everything to conclusion no matter how tedious?

If you’re reading this line now…I guess you do.

Too many rules…way too many rules.

But we have to have them, even if we impose most of them on ourselves.

It’s a rule….

If you enjoy the Retort, do me a favor and click on the "Like" button, up top on the right, and "Like" the FLR Facebook Page. It’s kind of sad right now but if I get 14 more I think I can put in for a football....

If you don't like it, please click the same button...but with a negative attitude.

Or Now you can just
"Like" is much too much of a commitment—


  1. It seems you've got me there. So many might reply 'you got me in one' but that would be inappropriate for accusatory test.

    1. Ropey, sometimes I have problems with the translations.... But it's still early here...hopefully it will come to me

  2. Me? I always try to bend the rules just a little...and that's because rules were meant to be broken, right? I always start with the left foot instead of the right and cut the tag off as soon as I get that pillow home...just for spite! I do admit I still have my old albums and even a few cassette tapes but that's only because I don't want to burden the landfills....


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”