Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Device Difficulties

The first thing I do every morning is turn on all my devices.

Yeah…I know.

I probably shouldn’t have turned them off in the first place…but I do.

I can’t help it…all those little amber lights staring at me in the dark, make me nuts.

And I’m cheap.

Plus, I can’t tolerate the idea of my devices being up all night without me.

I’m afraid I might miss something…or worse, they’ll talk about me.

Because they can do that now, these devices…they can talk to each other.

They’re all pretty smart. 

Too smart….


Kind of makes me long for the days when the only device I had to worry about in the morning was the coffee maker.

But even then I had trouble because my coffee maker had attitude, which in itself wasn’t so bad, but tack that on to the little judgmental thing it had going on…well, who needs that first thing, every day.

But at least the coffee maker didn’t talk to the toaster.

Not that I’m aware of.

Now when I wake up, I turn on my phone, my bedroom TV, my office computer, my office monitor, my office printer, my office scanner, my office TV…my bathroom radio, my all in one ultrasonic toothbrush/razor/nose hair and ear hole trimmer…and that’s just the second floor.

On the first floor I turn on my laptop, sunroom TV, sunroom DVR, sunroom audio system, kitchen TV…and then my new, non-judgmental coffee maker.

Then it’s usually time for lunch.

Imagine if I owned an iPhone.

If I owned an iPhone I’d have to turn that on too.

And I’ve heard iPhones can be really judgmental.

“You gained 2 pounds today…”

“You’re going out in that shirt?”

“Don’t you think it’s time you called your mother?”

Same thing with the iPad.

“Don’t you think it’s time you upgraded me to a 3…I mean don’t the Johnsons have a 3?”

How does it know the Johnsons have a 3?

Who needs that?

It’s bad enough when my computer butts in when I’m in the middle of something important, like this blog, and tells me there’s an upgrade for my badminton software.

Or that my virus definitions are out of date.


Who needs to know the latest description of the swine flu?


Or that a new version of Flash is available.

What the heck is Flash?

That thing my old gym teacher used to teach us?

And besides…what was wrong with the old version?

Or that a nice girl named Mona is trying to make changes to my windows.

I get that one every day for some reasons…and I never find anything new about my windows.

Of course my car can tell me what the temperature is, both inside and out, plus how much air I have in my tires.

I don’t mind that too much, but I do have a problem when it tells me I’ve been eating too much red meat.

Speaking of which…cars, I mean, not red meat…We’re getting a new car in the very near future and I hear the new models now know how to answer your phone for you.

So that might be kind of cool…unless Z’s in the car with me when Mona calls.

I don’t think Z would understand the $8.99 per minute rates that apply.

And now that I think about it, that is a lot of money just to make changes to my windows.

Oh wait…the microwave is beeping…it’s a little insecure and always craves attention.

Or is that the stove?

Nope…I think it’s the dishwasher.

It must have finished paying my bills.

See what I mean…way too many devices.

I better start turning them off, so I can get to bed by midnight.

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