Monday, June 4, 2012

Officially a Twit…on Twitter

So I’m officially a Twit. 

I mean Z has been calling me that for years, but now I guess it’s official because I’ve created a Freelance Retort Twitter thing.

Or is it just….@FreelanceRetort.

I don’t know.

Because you can’t Twit yourself on your own computer…so I don’t know what works and what doesn’t.

I know the proper term is “Tweet” but I think it should really be “Twit”. In fact I’m almost certain that was the first thought when they were thinking this all up. But then some marketing guy, of course, probably put the kibosh on it, thinking "Twit" would put a negative spin on everything.

But that’s how marketing guys are.  They miss the creative angle.  Because, again, I’m almost certain that the real twits amongst us are proud of our twitness.

It is who we are….

And we should be allowed to marry…without the required waivers.

But no…now we send ‘Tweets”…which just puts us in mind of a short pudgy bird.

I’ve been resisting social media ever since it came into existence. In fact I’ve been resistant to anything social for most of my life, unless it involves cru de tae.

 I’m not exactly sure what that is, but I know it’s always present when I socialize...if it's not, I walk.

Anyway, after a year of retorting, I’m still trying to figure out how to get more people—other than the guy from the CIA who has to monitor these things for secret code words—to read this stuff.

So my blogger friend’s been telling me that this was something I needed to do in order to drive traffic to my site.

I said, “I don’t want to drive traffic to my site. I think the traffic should drive itself or at least take the bus”.

And then she changed her e-mail address…again.

So I did it.

And, as I write this, I already have two whole followers.

Plus a couple of others that come in separate pieces....

Of the intact followers, one is the person who egged me into this in the first place.  I guess she felt guilty for emphasizing my patheticness…that plus the fact I threatened her cat if she didn’t.

And the other is the cat…who’s not taking any chances.

But I’m thinking of blocking the cat, because it’s funnier than I am.

Anyway, now I officially have 2 Twitter followers, if you count the cat.

I’m hoping to get 10 more so I can start my own church and get the tax exemption.

So basically, for about a week, I’ve been leaving funny quips for my two official followersagain, I'm counting the catbut not the CIA guy.

Not wanting to be too much of a Twit, I did some research to see what kinds of things other people were Twiting.

It seems there are a lot of people—celebrities for the most partwho apologize for their unruly behavior and inappropriate comments.

So I thought I’d better start off with getting a few things off my chest, as well….

I’m sorry about the incident with the Chihuahua….

I wish Travolta would stop tweeting me…I’m not that guy anymore!

I never saw that woman before and those pictures were obviously  doctored!

Or was the woman a doctor and I never saw those photos before?

I will never borrow Gary Busey’s dentures again….

So that’s what you get if you follow me…plus a link to all the latest retorts.
The Freelance Retort on Twitter…

Guaranteed to say something stupid every day!

Hard to resist…I know.

People are already jumping on board.

The guy who sleeps in the park with the squirrels said he’s been following me for years…..


  1. Never mind the CIA guy; he is harmless. It's the NSA guy who is on to you, ever since you mentioned Z, which raised a red flag. Their ears are flapping, big time. I know, as I am an ex-CIA gal.

    1. They must be very confused....
      But Z will appreciate the attention


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