Friday, June 15, 2012

The Greenwich Black Bear…What Next, Moose?

There’s something about this time of year that brings wild animals into the area and, no…I’m not talking about the transient human variety that habitat some of the downtown clubs on any given night.

The wild animals I’m taking about would never think of stepping over one of their own, rifle through their pockets and leave them passed out, lying on the street.

Sure, they might eat them, but they’d never take their watch.

First it was a rash of coyotes spotted all over the area. 

Then, last year, the Mysterious Greenwich Mountain Lion...and now it’s black bears.

What’s next….Moose?

Imagine waking up one morning and finding a Moose munching on your tomatoes.

That might seem pretty cool, but Moose are known for their erratic behavior.

One day they invite you to lunch, then the next day they cancel. Invite…cancel. Invite…cancel.

So you don’t want to get involved with a Moose if you can avoid it.

As I said, now it’s black bears, spotted recently in Armonk, Rye Brook and also in the Chickahominy section of Greenwich, which I believe was named after a line from a Three Stooges movie.

It’s not known whether the NY bear and CT bear are one and the same bear. The NY bear was said to have a cub in tow, while the CT bear was alone and said to be heading towards the singles bars on Greenwich Avenue.

Of course it could have been one and the same bear; possibly a Rye Brook “nanny bear” on its day off hoping to meet a rich doctor, preferably a surgeon…preferably with a pool.

It’s also possible that the bear had tried to gain access to Byram Shore Park earlier in the day but was discouraged by the prohibitive non-resident parking fees and left, much the same as the Mountain Lion last year.

Deterred by this veiled “screening” tactic, the bear briefly considered heading south down 95, towards Rye Town Park, but thought better of it as their fee policies were not much better…plus they required patrons to wear a tacky paper wristband at all times.

Its plans thwarted, the disconsolate bear apparently wandered north and took refuge in a neighboring backyard tree where it became lost in its thoughts of successful Greenwich Professionals with hot tubs, both indoor and out.

Unfortunately, for the bear, and possibly successful Greenwich professionals, it was discovered by CT. state conservation officials who subsequently tranquilized it and took it away to a park in a remote area of the state.

Not how the bear had envisioned it’s day when it woke up in its nanny apartment, earlier that morning.

Before the sedated bear was removed, however, it was examined and found to have been originally from New Jersey, where bears are said to be plentiful, often found hanging with the Jersey Shore crowd, which was evident from it’s “I luv Snooki” tattoo.

Environmental Officials in NJ say they have more black bears per square mile than any other state in the country, a fact, which they say, surprises people…especially if they happen to be standing in the middle of that particular square mile.

The bear is thought to have swum across the Hudson on its trek eastward, mostly because the traffic on the Tappan Zee has been horrendous, plus it was not about to pay the two way toll for a one way trip.

While officials contend that black bears are relatively harmless to residents and their pets, they say there are some precautions that should be taken if you encounter know, in case the bear didn’t get the memo.

First and foremost, never give out your e-mail address…you’ll be barraged with bear spam from on-line dating services.

Second, don’t run from a bear unless safety is nearby and you're sure you can reach it, because bears can run up to 35 miles an hour. Of course if you’re with someone else, all you have to do is run faster than the other person…so use your own discretion.

If a bear walks toward you, the experts suggest waving your hands over your head to identify yourself as a human and talking to the bear in a low voice, somewhere a bit above the range of Barry White. Just don’t ask the bear what it does for a living because unemployment is rampant in the bear community, as well as everywhere else, and the last thing you want to do is create an awkward social situation.

Other recommendations are to not make eye contact with the bear when trying to scare it away, and don't refer to the bear as "bear", which they consider rude since they would never think to refer to you as “human”.

Finally, bear experts say if you come upon a cub, be wary. In fact they go on to say, if someone sees a cub, they should move out of the area as fast as they can, despite the downward trend in home sales.

Some of us have enough frustration being Met fans, the last thing we need is to adopt the Cubs.


  1. Oh, that's a good one. We've had a bear on Cape Cod, who made it up as far as Provincetown. It was said that he was looking for a mate -- P-town? Oy, oy. Anyway, he apparently made it to the Cape by swimming across the canal or crossing over the bridge? Now the folks in the white coats have taken the bear away to an undisclosed place, probably to one of those NJ bars.

  2. At least I hope he got to stop by Arnolds for some fried scallops….


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