Friday, June 29, 2012

Power Washing Wear & Tear






The power washer is a great invention.


An even better invention is the guy who uses it for you....

An even better invention than the guy who uses it for you is the guy who uses it for you and buys you lunch….

And an even better invention than the guy who uses it for you and buys you lunch is the guy who uses it for you, buys you lunch and doesn’t talk to you during lunch ….


One too many, huh?


I never learn.....

Anyway, other than the power washer, I don’t have any of those things.


So every year I have to drag it out of the garage myself and power wash our deck and various sundry items…but not my neighbors pugadoodle.

I would never do that….

That would be wrong….

When it comes to household chores I’m not the most efficient handy man.

I’m more of a two left feet man.

Not that I don’t know my way around a hammer and a screwdriver…I do…I just take the long way around.

I think it’s a focus thing…my mind is usually elsewhere, like on a sandy beach sipping Piña Coladas, which annoys me, because I would rather my mind was doing the work and I was sipping the Piña Coladas.

I usually can’t wait to get whatever I’m doing done…which means I do stupid things. Like the time I was doing a simple touch up painting job and spilled paint all over my pants...which led to me hastily tearing off my pants and throwing them directly into the washing machine…with  my phone still in the pocket.

Or when I put the bookshelf together with the shelves in backwards, which was actually an improvement over the time I forgot to put the shelves in at all. 

I thought that was a lot of space for a half a dozen books…..

Really, I’m a regular Mr. Magoo when it comes to these things.

Anyway, out came the power washer, which, luckily, is not the most powerful of its kind, otherwise I shudder to think what would become of most things not tied down…including the pugadoddle.


I actually have two decks that are in need of upkeep.  One is of the small redwood variety that the previous owner built alongside the garage. We probably don’t need it but it’s pleasant to look at through our kitchen window… and the local wildlife seem to enjoy it.

Not that I’ve actually seen them using it, but I’m constantly picking up their little wildlife beer cans and Frito wrappers.

So we try to keep it nice….

I start my power washing duties here, you know, just to warm up a bit, and aside from the spray bottle of deck cleaner springing a leak all over my clothes, everything went well.

I again panicked, tore off my brand new shorts and t-shirt, waved to my neighbor, then ran into the basement and immediately plunged them into the washer…but this time without my phone in the pocket.

No…this time in the pocket I only had my new electronic car keys…and my wallet.

Why these items were in my pocket I have no idea, but I’m thinking I was subconsciously planning on joining my mind on the sandy beach sipping Piña Coladas.

However, not to worry; a quick change into more suitable work attire soon found me on the larger upper deck, which we had built when we bought the house, and is our favorite place to be this time of year. 


We’re out there most every evening—when it’s not raining...or freezing—so it’s good to spruce it up every season, especially when the green image of Mussolini re-appears next to the big flower pot.

Our guests, for the most part, find images of former European despots disturbing, so we wash it away.

I like to give the patio furniture a little spritz before starting in on the deck itself. We bought this set when we first built the deck, of course, and they’re still in pretty good shape. I think because they winter in the garage, which to patio furniture is the equivalent of wintering in Florida…sort of.

Of course, while I’m sliding table and chairs around the deck in a game of musical power washing, I am also washing most of the neighborhood, whether they want to be washed or not.

At one point—which is the only point here, so it appears—the nozzle got stuck on my back pocket and began to chase me around the deck, threatening to propel me into space like Rocketman.

Luckily, the bamboo bush is soft and spongy so it pretty much cushioned my fall.

And I’m sure I can re-build that run of railing that ended up in the driveway…along with the glass table top, which, amazingly, is still intact. Although I don’t recommend resting anything heavier than a bowl of peanuts—unshelled—unsalted—on it.

And the fur on the pugadoodle has mostly filled back in…for the most part.

But at least that’s one more job out of the way for at least another season...or two…or three. 

Of course I still have the flagstone walkways to touch up.

And the squirrels are looking a little worse for wear…..

It never ends.




5 comments:

  1. Funny you should write about power washing, which is something I have been putting off. But now I must find someone who will power wash the cement patio, wood balcony, and front brick walk. I am going to call Rent a Husband, or someone like that. (Rent a Significant Other, Rent a Former Lover, or maybe that guy at Joe's Bar and Grille). The cement patio is a hazard mainly because of its step-up construction. Anyone could trip there - anyone, especially me. (I?) I actually did recently. Trip. Great granddaugter had Angel on the leash, and unfortunately, the leash was wound around his back legs. So he couldn't walk and was being dragged instead. When I saw his plight, I ran toward him, only to fall on the cement. I am OK. Really. Only I can't breathe... Do you want to know the rest? It's not fair for me to hog your blog.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, obviously you don’t want someone like me power washing for you, so it’s a good thing I’m not within hailing distance. I’d have that wood balcony down on the first floor in no time.

      Luckily breathing is over rated so I’m glad you’re feeling better. I was wondering why you were incommunicado lately. Feel free to hog away, but if you’d like to share your tale less publically drop me an e-mail at freelanceretort@gmail.com, anytime…

      Delete
  2. The nurse* in my art class said I absolutely must breathe, no matter what. She said I could get pneumonia, so I should breathe a lot and cough a lot, even if a broken rib is sticking into my lung...Nay, it's probably just a bruised rib. Mind over matter works for me. Often.
    *Nurse. I know you're thinking I have a keeper who takes charge of me. But no, she just happens to be one of the members of the class.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I’m pretty sure there’s not a soul alive who could be your keeper let alone be in charge of you. Feel better and take care of yourself, dude.

      Delete
  3. I need a pressure washer since it’s one of the best tools for washing your vehicle. Hopefully, the investment pays off in the long run. I imagine that I’ll probably find other uses for it as well.

    ReplyDelete

Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”