Friday, June 8, 2012

Very Venus of You

So I look up in the sky the other day and what do I find?

A hole in the sun…..



A hole….

In the sun….

No wonder it’s been so cool.

Luckily, as I found out later, it wasn’t a hole at all.

Just Venus meandering across the galaxy, annoying the sun.

The sun hates it when anything jumps in front of it, let alone a silly little planet of love.

Sounds petty, I know, but that’s just how big stars are.

“Down in front!”

That was the sun shouting at Venus, in case you missed it.

Speaking of missing it—mostly because I need a segue—I missed the actual event myself.

There was a rerun of “McMillan & Wife” on.

So, next time….

I guess most of us down here don’t give a lot of thought to what’s going on up there in our Solar system, let alone the galaxy.

We’re all too busy trying to decide if we should go with the Honey Nut Cheerios or the new Multi Grain Peanut Butter.

I mean it took some of us forever to abandon the basic Cheerio.

And it’s still not talking to me.

Who would have thought an oat grain entity could be so resentful?

And speaking of resentful —because I need yet another segue—if you were a galaxy, how would you like to be named after a candy bar.

The Milkyway...?

I guess it could have been worse, though. It could have been called the “Butterfinger Galaxy”.

If you’re a galaxy you don’t want to be known as that.

Imagine the crap you’d have to put up with from all the other Galaxies.

Anyway, apparently the planets are constantly jockeying for position as they spin around the sun trying to get our attention.

Well, all except Pluto who’s been in a deep depression ever since they re-designated it as a “Dwarf Planet” a few years ago.

I mean that kind of thing is killer for any planet in any galaxy, let alone one spinning around in a sugary confection.

Plus, it’s a well-known fact in planet circles that “Dwarf Planets” hate that designation and prefer to be called “Little Planets”.

Every once in a while the planets—the Big Boy Planets—need to take a break from all this cosmic back and forth, so they just slow down.

Sometimes the planets even retrograde and start heading back in the direction from which they just came.

And then that creates a whole other set of problems for all of us down below.

Let alone the planets coming up from behind who aren’t paying attention…like Uranus who always has its head up…well, you know….

What...?  I'm supposed to pass on a Uranus op?

Astronomers, however, don’t believe in all that backtracking stuff. They say a retrograde planet is just a cosmic optical illusion that only makes it appear as if the planet is moving backwards.

I guess that’s one way of looking at it.  But I have a theory of my own based on my late Uncle Henry who was famous for his endless stop and go orbits around the neighborhood because he was constantly stopping to pick up loose change.

Astrologers, on the other hand—not sure which one—have their own take on all this planet attention grabbing behavior.

Each day, they observe each planet’s position in the sky, taking note of its behavior in order to translate how all that affects us down here…you know, like with all your important life choices.  

So here’s what they say this Venus thing means to me right now:

“The message from the cosmos could not be clearer. Put aside your anxiety. Stop letting your fear get the better of you. Appreciate all that's good - and where one bright idea seems to be beckoning in the distance, don't just shrug your shoulders and ignore it. That's your solution: the answer to your most pressing question. The plan which, if you follow it, will lead you to nowhere but success. A wonderful future is calling to you. The rare Transit of Venus won't happen again until 2117! If you're looking for more love, money or inspiration in life, you can find it now”.

So it looks like Uncle Henry was right about the loose change, and apparently current celestial conditions make it a perfect time to find it. 

Plus, I think it’s telling me to take a chance with the Peanut Butter Cheerios…..

Thanks Venus….


  1. Pluto and poor St. Christopher huh? There's the wheel of fortune Willy Shakes was talkin' about ...

    You however are still on the rise!

    1. Thanks! Just like hot air....

      I thought Pat Sajak was the Wheel of Fortune Guy?

  2. I know what Uncle Henry would say, but I am perched on the horns of a dilemma. Ouch. The question: what to do about the nickels that come in the mail? Keep them, throw them away, send them back? What would Yahwey do?

    1. Yahweh would say, leave the nickels…take the cannoli.


Retort to the Retort -

“Is there anybody alive out there…”