Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Summer Solstice is Canceled

I’m afraid we’ve had to cancel Summer Solstice this year.

Not the actual Solstice; that’s still going to happen…tonight at 7:09 PM EDT...although why it would want to is beyond me.

No…I mean our annual Summer Solstice party is canceled.

We’ve had it ever since we built the deck on the back of our house, shortly after we moved in some 10 years ago.

But not this year.

Not that I wanted to cancel it…I didn’t.

But, like everything else, it’s just turned into such a big hoo ha that the whole point of the celebration has been lost and people are just out to make a buck.

Do you know what the Druids are asking for this year?

I won’t even say… but it’s certainly not very Druid like if you ask me.

Even the second tier Druids, the one that don’t clean up after themselves, are looking to cash in.

I know….

So that left me scrambling for replacements.

At first I thought...why not ask the Zombies across the street if they’d like to do it?

I mean they have a lot in common with the Druids.  Throw a hooded cloak on them and who would know, except for the smell.

And I could probably cover that up pretty easily with the bratwurst and sauerkraut.

But they weren’t interested.  They're having their own little shindig with all of their decrepit ghoul friends.

I guess it’s just as well.  They’re not the liveliest bunch. I went to one of their summer BBQs once and it was pretty dead…or I guess un-dead is the better word.

Plus Zombies don’t handle the heat very well. Anything over 75 degrees really accelerates their rate of decomp.  And there’s not enough bratwurst and sauerkraut in the world to hide that, especially with a large group of them.

Of course the Witches next door are working their own events. Hannah, the smaller of the two witches, at least as witches go, told me they were brooming to four separate gigs all over town.

So scratch that.

By the way…never say “scratch that” to a witch.

Don’t ask…just trust me.

The Vampires down the street, for obvious reasons, don’t want anything to do with a sun worshiping event.

They tend to burn the second they walk into the light.

Plus they can’t keep their fangs to themselves once they start imbibing.

I was even desperate enough to consider the Werewolves.

Yeah, I know…my snobby neighbors would be howling themselves if I had anything to do with the Werewolves. 

But come on…how long is this going to go on…just because of one little over-salivation incident on a Halloween, years ago?

Sure, Werewolves, like everyone, make mistakes.  But most of the time they’re sane, normal human beings, just like the rest of us…except once a month.

How’s that different from being married?

I already canceled the Morris Dancers, which kills me because this year I was able to get the good ones with the cool hats.

Plus I lost my deposit.

So it’s just as well; I guess things run their course and you move on.

My neighbor had already told me he wasn’t going to let me use his upstairs bedroom for the southeast corner of the mystical labyrinth, this year, anyway.

Such a buzz kill.  Where would I put the goats?

And to be honest, most of my friends are getting a bit long in the tooth—vampires aside—for the naked fire dancing.

Hard to watch, even with the dim lighting.

Plus most of them are only interested in munching on Fritos and dip while they sit and gab with each other about the most inconsequential of things, especially on a solstice.

Last year, I don’t think a single one of them took more than a quick glance at the human sacrifice.

So Summer Solstice is canceled.

But I hope not for you….

Yeah…I know….


  1. I love it when you tell about those druids!

  2. I missed the Druids! Maybe they can come to the 4th of July?

    1. The Druids don't particularly like fireworks….something about their pointy ears.


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