Friday, March 22, 2013

Boss Being

No one likes their boss.

Not even people like me, who are their own bosses.

Mine is kind of annoying and pushy.

Plus he expects me to do all his work for him.


Most times people think they’re smarter than their boss so they resent the fact that they have to do what this person tells them to do, especially if it involves peanut butter.

Other times, people know their boss is smarter than them but still resent the fact that they’re onto their ingenious scheme of calling in sick every Monday and Friday with migraines…even after they’ve started mixing in Wednesdays, as well, just to break the pattern.

They’re clever, these bosses.

I guess that’s how they got to be bosses in the first place.

They probably went to boss school.

You know, where they learned how to boss people around.

Which is kind of confusing, because most of my life people have been telling me not to be so bossy.

So which is it ?

Bossy, good?


Bossy, bad?

I suppose it has to do with your boss-like behavior.

Some bosses want to be your boss and your friend…even if you don’t need a new friend.

They want you to like them…even if they don’t particularly like you.

Mostly because they've had bosses too and they don’t want to be “that guy”.

Well, actually they do, but they don’t want you to think they’re “that guy”.

So they drop by just to chat; to see how you’re doing and ask if you need anything.

They’re letting you know that they consider you their peer and that they’re there to support you in any way they can.

All good things, if it were true, but what they’re really doing is checking to see if you’re working on your NCAA brackets online.

Which you are, but is that really any of their business?

Then there's the overly aggressive, dictatorial type boss.

They make it clear in no uncertain terms that there will be absolutely no monkey business tolerated in the office, which you find odd, not to mention insensitive, considering Burt in accounting’s battle with Hypertrichosis.

Of course these types of narcissistic, overachieving, condescending bosses usually wear out their corporate welcome pretty quickly, especially if you’re proficient in Photo Shop.

Of course, on the other hand, some bosses are fair and mild tempered even though they put up with a lot of nonsense from their charges.

Maybe they really didn't deserve to have their calls forwarded to the Tiki Lounge and Massage Emporium that time.

Or to have the wallpaper on all their electronic devices switched to naughty pictures of Adele.

Let alone have their ringtone reset to the “Brady Bunch” theme song.

A good boss treats subordinates with respect, giving them a chance to shine by seeking out and utilizing the best of their abilities.

A bad boss treats subordinates with disrespect by “asking” them to shine his or her car during lunch…and never tips.

A good boss does his or her fair share of the job at hand and doesn’t asks anyone to do anything they haven’t done themselves, always returns calls and emails and encourages an open exchange of ideas to facilitate the smooth completion of tasks.

A bad boss does his or her fair share of “delegating” all the things he or she doesn't want to do, never returns calls or e-mails, and only encourages an open exchange of anything having to do with the new intern.  

Of course the best way to avoid any and all of these capricious corporate conundrums is to work hard and become the boss yourself.

And then everyone will hate you too.

In the meantime, stop reading nonsense like this and get back to work.

Unless you’re the boss….


  1. What if you had boss and you didn't know his/her name? And he didn't know yours. The same for your co-workers. You didn't have a clue what they were doing for this company, which was non-existent. You'd have to worry when payday came along. Would you get paid with funny money?

    1. I wish I had funny money. Mine is so dour…and it rarely gets my jokes. But not many do.


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