I Need an Agenda

I need an agenda.

Something to motivate, sharpen my point of view and steady my aim.

Towards what I have no idea…but that’s why I need an agenda.

I don’t have anything to aim at.

To criticize and demean.

Try to tear down.

Ridicule and destroy.

I’m not even a Republican.

Or a Democrat.

Or anything.

I’m just me.

So I need an agenda.

Agendas give people something to wake up for in the morning.

If you don’t have an agenda, you only get up for the donuts.

Hwever, at this time of year I’m partial to Hot Cross buns.

People with agendas never have a problem arguing; they know exactly what they want to say and never waver from that position.

If they’re reasonable, people with agendas will accept the fact that you may have a different opinion or perspective from their own and respectfully give your argument its due, as well.

If they’re not reasonable and simply put their agenda front and center, ahead of ever thing else, they probably live in Washington.

Being as I don’t have an agenda, I don’t live in Washington, and I’m not very good at arguing.

I’ve been known to change my mind…a lot.

So much so, I’m not even sure if I have the original mind I started out with.

I think I may have ended up with the mind of that guy who goes to the park so the squirrels will feed him.

My problem is I’ll enter a discussion feeling one way about an issue, but often find myself being persuaded by the points being made by the other participant…especially if they’re buying lunch.

Not that my opinions can be bought…they can’t.

Only rented…and only for a specific length of time, depending on the quality of the lunch.

Because at the end of the day opinions are like…uh…elbows…everybody has one.

No, that’s no good…most people have two elbows.

I would say belly buttons, but I just talked about belly buttons a couple of days ago so that might be considered…I don’t know...weird.

 I’ll just leave it up to your imagination, mostly because I don’t have an agenda; what do I care?

So you can see why I might want to find myself one.

I’m not a big fan of moss…especially in my lawn…so maybe I can be against lawn moss.

But then I suppose the lawn moss lovers will be all over my case.

Who needs that?

I’m not a big fan of wind…so there’s that.

But I suppose wind is a natural phenomenon, and that will just upset the naturalists.

That’s never good.

And all I’d be doing is tilting at windmills…which looks odd.

Besides, having an agenda doesn’t require you to support a negative point of view.

You can promote something positive…like Jerry Springer.

Or Nancy Grace.

I like walking…no matter what kind of day it is.  I like walking and exercise of any kind; as long as it’s not too…strenuous….or makes you tired.

Or doesn’t involve a remote control of some sort.

But then, I suppose, that will get all the anti-health folks up in arms…or elbows.

So maybe it’s better that I don’t have an agenda and just continue to weigh the facts as they are presented to me.

Fair and balanced.

Just like Fox News….MSNBC and all the other mainstream media outlets.

You know the ones that are bound by a little something called “The Fairness Doctrine”, which provides for an “honest, equitable and balanced” presentation of—

What?

“The Fairness Doctrine” was eliminated in 1987?

Now every broadcast outlet is free to promote any given agenda of its choosing?

Is that fair?

Maybe it is….

Or maybe it isn’t…..

I’m not sure how I feel about that….yet.

Or tomorrow…or the day after that.

I don’t know.

But I bet if I had an agenda I would. 

TweetFollow @FreelanceRetort