When I was a kid I couldn’t wait for my birthday to arrive.
Next to Christmas it was the best day of the year, mostly because
it involved the two P’s…parties and presents.
Just saying the words…“It’s
my birthday”, carried a cache of magic and provided a passport to anywhere I
wanted to go…at least in my over imaginative, narcissistic, little mind.
Each new year also meant I could stay up a little later,
watch more TV…even stand on the street corner well into night singing with my acapella group.
Okay, I made that last part up…there was no group, just me…and
no street corner either; just the corner of my Mom’s walk in closet that smelled
of mothballs, which made it all the better.
Now, as I take another step up the ladder (one hopes and
presumes, optimistically) towards…yet another gift subscription to AARP… I find
myself again wallowing retrospectively in the cold soup of lost days.
Maybe it’s the so called “Monster” Full Moon hovering up above?
Throw
in the recent Mercury retrograde—again—and this odd alignment of Venus, Mars and Uranus, all hovering near the
sun at a right angle to Pluto…well…I don’t think I need to say anything more.
Now, far
removed from Kiddomcy, the idea of my b-day soon approaching is a troublesome one,
and has been for a number of decades now.
Oh,
sure…I still enjoy the ego driven, self-serving specialness of the day. You
know, the usual… opening cards and presents, going out for dinner, celebrating the
Druid Mud Bath Ritual with friends.
I've even been known to sneak off into the closet now and again to belt out a few
tunes, but only when I’m alone…except for—well, that’s neither here
nor there….
Over
time, the further along the road I traveled, I noticed the destinations I set my
sights on—the ones I thought would define me—so often ended up bypassed and undiscovered. Perhaps, even worse, the outposts I did happen
upon sparkled more from a distance; their luster lost, along with the pursuit.
Eventually, the road took so many turns and detours, I found myself twisted, upside down in a maze of recalculations; it was all I could do just to try and get back on track.
Eventually, the road took so many turns and detours, I found myself twisted, upside down in a maze of recalculations; it was all I could do just to try and get back on track.
When I finally
stopped and took stock of the direction I’d been traveling, the roadmap seemed outdated,
faded and full of holes.
And then
it dawned on me: following a roadmap to a destination was probably the biggest
mistake of all…at least for someone like me.
George
Harrison, in his final goodbye of an album (another old age reference) said it
best, paraphrasing Lewis Carroll’s Cheshire Cat’s remark to Alice, “If you
don’t know where you’re going, any road will
take you there….”
Now, I’m
able to look back and see the road I’ve been traveling from the sage distance
of time.
I’ve
come to understand that all the twists and turns were never detours or obstructions;
just a part of the road I’d chosen; the road I missed so much of with my mind
focused on the map.
The
message has been shouted for so long, by so many others, but I was too lost in myself
to hear it.
But I
can hear it now…loud and clear, I hear it now.
The joy
is in the journey…the destination, just the end.
Oh,
sure, it’s easier to say than do…we all know that.
But I’m
making sure I feel the sunshine on my face, every day, especially through the
clouds….
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I think sometimes about the road not traveled: how different the outcome would have been. This is the way that has given me my much-loved family: husband, daughter, 3 grandsons, and a dear great granddaughter. It's been a joyful ride all the way. I have been greatly blessed.
ReplyDeleteI like to think we all end up where we’re supposed to be. The sooner we realize that the sooner the happiness arrives. Like I said, The Joy is in the Journey.
DeleteAnd it helps if you can afford a nice car….