The Freelance Retort: Arctic Air and Janus…Locusts and Toads

Tuesday, January 21, 2014

Arctic Air and Janus…Locusts and Toads

I just heard Arctic Air is returning today

How embarrassing.

I still haven’t changed the guest room sheets from the last time it was here.

Or cleaned its room.

To be honest I was kind of hoping it wasn’t coming back…at least this year.

I mean, aside from being cold—and to be honest, a little on the aloof side—Arctic Air is kind of a slob.

I know…I wouldn’t have expected that, either.

Maybe from Tropical Air, with its inherent laid back tendencies but certainly not Arctic Air.

But who can tell with unstable air masses; what they’re thinking from day to day.

Certainly not the weather people.

The weather people pretend they can predict on Monday what’s going to happen on Friday, when the truth is, they can’t even tell you with any certainty what’s going to happen by the time they get off the air.

They might say sunny skies and warmer temps, but when it turns out to be snowy and cold…or worse…they just act like they really knew all along.

No explanation.

And they never get the biblical stuff right.

Locusts in January...sure, we knew that…not to mention the toads.

They just don't want us to start getting all apocalyptical before we need to…that just puts a drain on the milk and bread supply.

So we should have known.

Okay…maybe I’m taking the sarcasm a little too far, but who could blame us for being a little skeptical of these long range predictions.

But I’m changing the sheets and cleaning up the guest room, anyway. I don’t want Arctic Air blowing in here and thinking I’m a bad host, uninvited guest or no.

And now I hear this Artic Air is bringing one of its Winter Storm Buddies along for the ride.

Great….

Just what we needed, this year…more snow.

But I guess, so far, the snow—at least around here— has just been of the nuisance variety…a few inches to shovel off, here or there and then gone…so I’m not complaining…too much.

Okay…I am.

But this one could be a little bit more substantial, even without the locust and the frogs.

Oh, and its name is “Janus”, by the way.

That’s right….

They name all of these things now, I guess because storms with names get better ratings and sell more storm staples.

But I only have the one guest room so Janus is going to have to bunk with Arctic Air for the duration, which is good because then it will probably move out sooner rather than later.

I mean who wants to share a room with a slob…Arctic Air or not.

So I better get the shovels ready…again.

And it’s not as if these house "gusts" are going to pitch in and help out in the morning.

No, they’ll be sitting inside, having a good time, eating breakfast and watching Al Roker get all hysterical on the Today Show, while Z and I clean up their mess…as always.

Uh oh....looks like it's starting, now.

Hey…it’s winter…in the Northeast.

We might as well make the most of it.

That’s what fireplaces and hot chocolate are for.

The locusts and toads are optional….