Tuesday, April 1, 2014

April Fool...so un-cool

The good news is...it’s April 1st!

The bad news is...it’s April 1st….

Which means it’s also April Fool’s Day…the day when all the fools come out and try to fool you…and me, which isn’t that much of a big deal since I get fooled every morning when I get out of bed.

“You mean this isn’t a dream???”

Some of you, for whatever reason—a wayward upbringing, I suppose—actually love to play practical jokes on people.

Like the time my friend Joey told me that pants weren’t allowed in school anymore and we all had to wear navy blue jumpers like the girls.

Of course I wasn’t that dumb, not yet, anyway, and I immediately figured out that Joey was pulling my leg because the girls had stopped wearing navy blue jumpers and switched to plaid skirts the year before.

So I didn’t look that out of place….

I don’t know…I just don’t understand the concept of making someone else look stupid, just for my own amusement.

Why would I want to go to all that plotting and planning, when I can make myself look stupid anytime I want...with very little effort?

Not that I haven’t tried to pull off a good April Fool’s, myself, on occasion.

Like the time I called the fire department and told them I accidently set the cat on fire, while I was ironing the kinks out of its tail.

That wasn’t appreciated by the fire department at all…let alone the cat.

But I did get a big howl out of the dog.

And of course the time I covered my cousin with mustard and told everyone his liver had failed was a classic!

And my Aunt recovered within the month.

It’s just an odd concept...April Fool's.

I tried to look up some info on the origins of all this April Foolishness but, unfortunately, I didn't have much success.  The history is pretty sketchy and speculative at best. Something to do with Chaucer, Pope Gregory, calendars and, of course, I'm guessing the Russians are involved.

The Russians are involved in everything.

And one thing I’ve learned over time is that it doesn’t help to get annoyed, or worse, flustered over all the nonsense that goes on. That only throws fuel on the fire…which is something else that's not really tolerated by the fire department, either.

The best thing to do is to simply ignore the performance or pretend you don’t get the joke, even though there’s a live chicken laying eggs on your head.

So when your best friend calls today and tells you that he or she is having an affair with your Aunt Millie, just take a deep breath and advise him or her to make sure all their vaccinations are up to date.

If the teller at the bank exclaims your account has been wiped clean, just smile and say that’s okay, I had embezzled most of it from you anyway.

And if someone—I won’t say who—fills the toe of your shoe with peanut butter, just say you hope the other one is filled with jelly and not jam.

Patience is the key… April 2nd is on its way, and it'll all be over.  

But, needless to say, even though I am, until then, I know somewhere out there someone has a whoopee cushion with my name on it.

And the truth is I would really like it back.

I mean it is April Fool’s Day….

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  1. Hey, I'm having an affair with your Aunt Millie! Oh that's right, I'm not your best friend...close to it though...I knew you when you were 5! Great writing as usual, Brian. You put an extra sparkle in my morning cup of coffee!

  2. This April Fool Nonsense is pretty much as you outline. Going back as far as roman times when all sorts of silly stuff became ingrained in our psyche. The romans were brilliant at the plausible bullshit required when controlling the masses. April Fool was possibly their version of the 'Silly Season'. Good article Brian I also like the bit about your flat-tailed cattypuss.

    1. I hated Roman times. I always ended up at the wrong Bacchanalia...plus I kept tripping on my cape....


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