I admit…I’m not always right.
I throw one…every now and then…just to be fair.
If I didn’t, I wouldn’t have any friends at all…not even if
you count the three I have on Facebook…sort of.
I mean if everyone knew
I was perfect, imagine how that would go.
I don’t want you to think that…I don’t want anybody to think
that.
I mean, yeah…sure…I am…but I don’t want you to think that.
So I throw one…every now and then…just to be fair.
I mean, didn’t I say those were nice shoes you had on the
other day.
Back in the 60’s I said the Beatles were a one hit wonder,
and would never rise to the level of “Up with People”.
In the 70’s I said this Spielberg guy might have a career,
but only if he stuck to butter commercials.
In the 80’s I said the Mets would win 7 or 8 World Series
before the end of the century.
And I’m not even going to mention Ross Perot….
All along…I knew better.
Even now, I’m telling people, just watch... that Bieber has
a plan…he really has his s…tuff
together.
Social Media is the best thing to happen to modern culture,
well…since George Lazenby replaced
Sean Connery as James Bond.
Reality TV helps to sharpen your neural pathways.
Just little things like that to make the rest of you think
I’m not as smart as I look.
If that were even possible….
But yeah, it is…and I am…
So I pretend I’m not, just to make you all feel a little
better about yourselves.
My little gift to the world, as it were.
And you’re welcome…in advance…because, I know, right now you want to thank me.
But it really isn’t necessary…it’s the least I can do.
Besides, being right all the time isn’t all it’s cracked up
to be.
I mean, imagine if you were even half as right about things
as I am.
Hard to picture, I know…but really, try thinking about
having to hold your tongue…everyday…when your neighbor annoyingly feels it’s
necessary to say “Hello”…all the time.
All the time…really?
Can’t we just ignore each other…once and awhile?
Because holding your tongue…all the time…is unsanitary, not
to mention gross…at least to others.
Right?
Or knowing that your friends with the beach house should really invite far fewer people down for
the weekend, especially on those weekends that you’re invited, because you know they’d have a much better time
with just you.
Just common sense, but try swallowing that.
Pretty hard, huh?
Or that you’re cousin’s daughter’s wedding would have been
much livelier had they gone with the Mariachi band you recommended instead of
that 7 piece Rock ensemble.
And you won’t even get into the cake that they foolishly
bought at that other bakery instead
of the one you told them was the best.
And that’s just being right half the time.
Difficult, isn’t it?
So if you could, which I know is impossible, try being right
all the time….like me
Not good.
Because nobody likes a smart ass…nobody.
Believe me…I’m right.
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