Since I’ve been on the topic of impending summer, I would be
remiss if I didn’t mention the Zombies Across the Street.
I mean, like most people, when I think summer, I can’t help
but think Zombie.
Goes without saying.
Right?
Right….
So Z and I were out digging in the garden over the weekend
when one of the aforementioned Zombies shuffles over to our front yard.
Z’s still tends to get a little wary when the Zombies just show
up out of the blue, and especially if they just show up out of the mist…which
is a little creepy even for me.
Actually, we had no idea it’d been standing there, because
this was the one who tends to shuffle around much more quietly than the others,
mostly because he lost most of his nose some time back, and he doesn’t wheeze
as loudly as some of them tend to do.
“Eeeeek!,” Z
squeaked, when she spied his dirty shoe in the grass…which, to be honest, while
impolite, wasn’t really Z’s fault since his foot was still in the shoe while
the rest of him was further over, a few more feet away…most of which weren’t
even his feet.
“Hey…uh, you.” I said quickly, hoping to cover Z’s
embarrassing faux paux. “How’s it
hanging?”
OMG, I
thought—yes, I think in text acronyms now—I couldn’t believe I’d just said that
since what was left of his nose was actually still hanging there.
Talk about throwing gas on the fire, which is not something
Zombies appreciate under any circumstances.
I could see I had hurt his feelings by the way that he
dropped his head…which then rolled across the lawn.
I know…I should have picked it up and handed it back to him,
but I wasn’t sure if it was my place, so I looked over to Z for some Zombie
etiquette, but all I got was a shrug before she turned away and returned to her
digging.
The good thing was, it wasn’t even his head, so I could
still make eye contact…with both he and the head, which we tried to ignore…you
know, to lessen the awkwardness of the situation.
The Zombie pointed towards the neat line of Begonias and
Vincas Z was inserting across the front of the garden.
Again, I was hesitant to comment since I wasn’t sure if he
was admiring them or asking to eat them…so I just said, “Looks like it’s going
to really start warming up around here, pretty soon. I hear it’s going to be in
the high 80s over the weekend…real beach weather!”
The Zombie groaned—again, not something you’re hoping for
when conversing with a Zombie, but something that occurs more often than
not…especially with this Zombie.
Then he began shaking his head—his own, not the one looking
up from the lawn, which I was hoping he’d pick up since if you leave them there
too long, they tend to burn out the grass.
Of course, now I remembered how the Zombies tend to wilt in
the heat and the sun, way more than the rest of us, with or without
air-conditioning.
Actually, I’m being more than kind by saying “wilt”,
because as you would expect it’s way worse than wilting.
More like…well, you know….
Z saw I was just getting in deeper and deeper with the
Zombie, so she stood up and said, “Why don’t I bring us all out some ice
tea…how’s that sound to everybody?
“Great,” I said…and hoping to add a little levity to the
situation, I added, “Make sure to bring out an extra glass for the head!”
But the Zombie didn’t react, one way or the other to my lame
attempt at humor, which, while a little disappointing, was also not uncommon,
especially in the middle of the afternoon. Then, as if suddenly remembering why
he had lumbered over in the first place, the Zombie reached into his jacket pocket,
which is always a little startling because you can never sure what, or who, he
might pull out.
But to my surprise it was an invitation to their very own Zombie
Summer Solstice party they had decided to throw this year.
Surprise because last year when I asked them if they could
fill in for the Druids at my own party, they didn’t seem all that receptive to
the idea. Apparently, Zombies and Druids have some sort of weird history that
goes way back.
I suppose I should have known that, but as I'm constantly
discovering, there is a lot more to the Zombies than meets the eye…which,
again, kind of makes me more than a little wary because—not to be rude—what
actually meets the eye, when confronting a Zombie, is not all that pleasant in
the first place.
“Oh…I said. “I see you’ve decided to embrace the summer,
this year…excellent!”
The Zombie gave me one of those, if you can’t beat em join
em shrugs…I think. I mean, it could have meant anything—with Zombies, who can
tell—but that’s how I took it.
“Well, that’s great…I mean as long as you also embrace some
sunscreen with an added moisturizer, as well,” I kidded.
Which, again, was a dumb thing to say, since…have you ever
seen a Zombies skin…I mean, really…up close?
Not good….
I was hoping Z was almost ready with that ice tea, when the
Zombie abruptly turned around and began shuffling back across the street.
That’s just how it is with Zombies most of the time…all business
and not a lot of small talk, so I wasn’t all that surprised.
“Hey, don’t forget your head!” I shouted after him, although I knew he
wasn’t coming back, at least not today. He was already on to another house.
“Great”, I muttered to myself. “Now I have to get rid of
another Zombie head…”
But that’s what you get when you befriend Zombies…a lot of
self-centered, eccentric behavior.
However, in the end, the good usually outweighs the bad…I
mean if you discount all the carnage and brain eating behavior.
They really can be a lot of fun…under the right conditions.
So I’m thinking this might be a pretty good
party….especially if they bring back that DJ from last Christmas.
Zombies are actually pretty good dancers.
Who knew….
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