Tuesday, June 10, 2014

Positively Negative: Home Improvements

I’m feeling a little negative today.

Positively negative, actually.

Yeah…I know.

Hard to believe…right?

Unusual for me to feel negative.

I’m known for my upbeat personality.

The ability to always see the silver linings…whatever the hell that means….


See what I’m saying?

I guess because it’s raining while I’m writing this.

A perfectly good, almost summer day, wasted on the rain.

I mean, sure, I know we need rain…“Into every life a little rain must fall…” or some sort of crap like that.

But does it need to be so wet????

Plus it tends to chase away the sun…who apparently doesn’t like the rain either.

You know?



I guess it could be because I’m having some work done around my house…outside work…which the rain kind of puts a damper on.

Like in “can’t do the work”, kind of damper.

I’m having my deck tuned up.

Yeah…it’s been out of tune for a while, so it was time.

Power wash, strip and clean…which are basically all the same thing, but to different degrees…at least according to the guy I hired to do the work.

What…you thought I was going to do the work? 

Not me…too negative.

I’d probably just get frustrated after 5 minutes—okay, maybe 2—throw the whole thing out and have a new one built...if I could afford it, which I can’t.

So I had to hire a guy who I can’t understand.

Not that he’s not speaking English…he is…perfectly fine English, actually…except I can’t understand him.  Actually I find I can’t understand most people I hire.

In fact, I think they do it on purpose.

So that’s a bit of a negative.

But I nod a lot…

I say yes to almost everything.

And then I just hope for the best.

I mean it’s a deck…how many options can there be for a deck?

And the pink stairs are growing on me.

So are the green railings.

But, like I said, everything’s on hold until the rain stops.

Which it probably won’t, for days…if it ever does.

I’m pretty positive that will be the case…you know, because of the negative thing.

After the deck, we’re changing the wallpaper in the bathroom…I think.

I mean, that’s what we want to do…but you never know.

But, like I said, I’m hoping for the best.

Which is a long shot, I know.


Sometimes when I’m feeling negative, like this, I try to seek out people that are more positive than me to get a fresh perspective.

But that can be tricky…mostly because I’m pretty sure they don’t take my calls when they see it’s me.

But I guess that’s their loss.

Because they usually have no idea how bad things are, unless I tell them.

So if they don’t talk to me, they’ll never know….

Not like you….

Which is far from negative….



Hold on…it’s my guy asking me something….

“Yeah…uh huh…uh huh…whatever you think is best.  Yeah…that works for me…go for it!”

Sorry…I’m not sure what that’s about.  I think something to do with Pentagrams….

Not sure….

But I’m hoping for the best.

Trying to be more positive….

I mean pentagrams are cool right?

Unless he said Instagram…in which case I better check my account.

I don’t want that picture of me laying out on the deck going virile or something.

Not like that last time.

Oh wait…looks like he’s putting in a hot tub.

I don’t know…at least it looks like a hot tub.

Well, I guess you have to fill that hole he cut in the middle with something.

Besides, hot tubs are cool….or hot…or whatever.

And I’m sure that rash I got the last time I was in my neighbor’s was just a coincidence.
Or did I have the rash before...?
Not sure...

Hold on…”I don’t know...whatever you think….”

Gotta go.  Now I think I’m getting a waters slide or something.

I really, really hate home improvements….

Yeah...I know…right back where I started.

Positively negative.


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