It’s December 26th and time to put Christmas back
in the box for yet another year.
All that goodwill towards men and holiday good cheer…done.
Now we can get back to being our normal, inconsiderate,
grumpy selves.
That’s a relief.
My mouth is so dry from all that smiling.
Plus, I was running out of ways to wish people a happy
holiday without offending them.
Hence the smiles.
I actually rented some extra smiles, this year, since my
smiles come in a limited supply.
Which is why, during the rest of the year, if you run into
me on the street you won’t see me smiling all that much.
So don’t take it the wrong way.
It’s not you, it’s me.
Well…it probably is you…but, like I said, don’t take it the wrong way.
It could have been anybody…it just happened to be you.
Plus, you just ran into me…probably knocked me over, too…so
what do you expect?
Happy Holidays?
Of course, there’s still another week of merriment—extended—to
work our way through.
Extended, because New Years falls on a Thursday, this year…so
most people will take off through the weekend
Unless they have one of those important jobs where they
saves live or something…then they have to go to work.
So it’s best to steer clear of those folks and save the “Happy
whatever’s”, in general.
You may need these people, down the road…so it’s best to
avoid them with all your excess merriment…especially on the road.
Take my word for it.
Speaking of excess merriment, get ready now for an onslaught
of 2014 retrospectives…the best of…the
worst of…the endearing mediocrity of—
And that’s’ just the lists for last year lists of 2013 retrospectives…the best of…the worst of…the endearing mediocrity
of—
Plus, now, every place you go everyone will be wishing you a
Happy New Year!
And you’ll find yourself doing it too…can’t help it.
It’s like yawning …one person starts and soon everyone in the
room is yawning too.
Yeah….“Happy New Year!”
... “Happy New Year to you too!”
Unless you’re my nephew, Kyle, who announced at Christmas
Eve dinner that he has issues with people telling him to “have a nice day”…at any time of the year.
He thinks it’s insincere.
He doesn’t think the woman packing his groceries really cares
about the quality of his day at all…especially after he caught her sticking a
thumb into his bananas…and not just one banana…all the bananas.
So he may have a point.
In truth, it would probably make him happier if people told
him to “have a crappy day”, just so the
odds of them having a nice day would
increase, statistically.
That would be more honest…according to Kyle…my nephew…who
shares some of my DNA.
But only on alternate Fridays during the winter.
I need all my DNA
during the summer.
Yeah…a lot of it makes sense now, huh?
Sounds nutty, I know.
Must be all that eggnog.
And pleasantries….
But have a nice day, and a great rest of the holiday season,
to boot…or glove…or scarf…whichever you prefer….
I mean it….really…I do….
________________________________________________
Looking for a fun, new Christmas Tradition to share with your family?
Pick up "The Little Red Christmas Ball"
Now available at Amazon
And don't forget
Or subscribe above to receive Retorts by E-Mail
packing it away already?!? oh the humanity....
ReplyDeleteNah...we're in for the long haul. Just bored and needed something to b...h about the day after....
Deleteour tree is looking droopy but we are leaving everything up for now... the day after xmas my house looks like "sixteen candles" ...esp since we entertained for more than 12 hours... we finally hit the pillow at 3am, thank goodness for a long weekend.
ReplyDelete