The sun came out, if only for a bit, yesterday morning, and
lo and behold, there stood October.
October in all it’s sunny, colorful fall glory.
Until it clouded up again.
Go figure....
And then there was a knock at the door, which was odd,
especially for a Monday morning.
Even odder, when I went to see who it was, I was surprised
to find two of the Zombies Across the Street...mostly because Zombies rarely
knock; they usually just barge in and start rifling
through the fridge.
Uncomfortable, right?
But, I have to say, we hadn’t seen much of the Zombies, all
summer. No gardening, no tanning...at
least not in the traditional sense. For the most part they stayed inside with
the air conditioner on.
I assumed because it was so hot, this year.
I mean they’re Zombies. They put a whole new spin on the
phrase, “Sweating my butt off!”
Plus, one of the new neighbors, next door, complained about
the smell, which I think might have hurt the Zombie’s feelings.
So they kept pretty much to themselves
Anyway, there they were, two Zombies standing on my front
porch, knocking. And what
was even weirder, they were sporting Halloween costumes, toting ghoulish “Trick
or Treat” bags.
Halloween costumes...really?
Like they needed costumes.
On October 3rd?
“Hey, fellas,” I said, which I immediately regretted since I
couldn’t really tell if they were actually fellas or not.
They were in costume, remember.
One was dressed as Winnie the Pooh...and who can tell what
gender Winnie is...and the other had one of those “Scream” outfits on.
“It’s a little early to be Trick or Treating, guy—uh, you
two. Halloween isn’t until the end of
the month.”
To which Winnie and Screamy just stood there, glaring,
which, masks or not, is always unsettling with Zombies since they can be
somewhat unpredictable.
Don’t get me wrong; for the most part they’re as pleasant as
any other ghoul in the neighborhood, but you never know what will set them off,
and every once in a while you hear stories of some incident or another with an
unfortunate outcome.
Yeah....
So you can imagine my trepidation when they suddenly started
moaning and rattling their goodie bags.
And then, just as suddenly, they both burst out laughing—I
think—and pointing in my directions, indicating they were very pleased with the
big “Gotcha” they’d pulled on me.
Zombies...so hi-larious....
Then they communicated, or attempted to communicate, they’ve
always wondered what it would be like to dress up and “Trick or Treat” since they
never get a chance on Halloween, which as you’d expect, is always a nightmare
for them, what with all the crowds they get at their big spook house extravaganza.
“Ahhhh,” I said. “I
get it...sure, sure...of course!”
Which then led to another awkward period of silence and
staring...on both our parts.
Until I realized they were waiting for me to give them a
treat, which was a problem since Z hadn’t picked up the 100 bags of candy we
usually buy in order to feed the rest of the ravenous neighborhood.
And since I wasn’t anxious to find out just what “Trick” the
Zombies had up their rotting sleeves for me I decided I’d better come up with
something.
“Well, let me see what we have here,” I said,
walking toward the kitchen.
To my dismay, the pair followed me in, which, again, made me
somewhat uneasy.
Not to sound like an elitist, or worse, but if you’ve ever
entertained Zombies at home, you know what I’m talking about.
I mean this wasn’t the first time we’ve had Zombies in the house, so it’s not the smell or flaking appendages that bother me. It’s just
that they always leave the toilet seat up, which annoys Z to no end.
Anyway, at first I thought I could get off easy with a
couple of Famous Amos Chocolate Chip bags
that were lying around, but then I remembered the undead really don’t have sweet tooths or much of any teeth for that
matter.
Something about too much sugar not being healthy...as if
that were the problem.
Luckily, I remembered Z had just picked up a couple of
chickens to make cacciatore, so I dug them out of the fridge and tossed the
giblets in their “Treat” bags, which seemed to satisfy them.
Actually more than satisfy them, since the squeals of glee
that sprang out from under their costumes seemed a bit excessive...even for
chicken guts.
And it was, because then I noticed what had really gotten them
animated, or re-animated, as it were, was “The Family Feud” marathon I’d been
watching on the kitchen TV when they first knocked on the door.
So now I was stuck with them the rest of the afternoon.
Which to be honest wasn’t as bad as it sounds.
Despite all the blows to the head they take in the course of
a week, Zombies are pretty clever and always get the number one answer.
Plus, the derogatory comments they come up with to mock the
real contestants are to die for.
Well, sort of....
______________________________________
Now available at Amazon
The Little Red Christmas Ball
(because you can never start Christmas too soon)
(because you can never start Christmas too soon)
halloween is on a monday this year.... it's gonna be a longgggg week, we may all be zombies.
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