Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Big Heads are Back

Paul Damien, National Geographic

A recent article in National Geographic reported that human heads are getting bigger.

Great…now I have to replace all my hats again.

The report said that the additional head room is large enough to accommodate an additional brain the size of a tennis ball.

I guess this is good news because I know of a lot of people whose primary brain is only the size of a tennis ball to begin with…but most of them work in hospitals.

But I digress…because my brain is only the size of a golf ball…so I’m easily distracted.

Actually, I’m a lot more concerned about my left ear getting bigger than my right ear.

Mostly because it causes my head to tilt at an odd angle, which makes me look befuddled much of the time.

So where was I?

Oh, right…big heads.

So they’re getting bigger, which doesn’t necessarily translate into smarter.

They think it could be due to environmental factors.

I mean natural environmental factors, over thousands of years, not radical shifts in nature due to too many celebrity dance shows.

Apparently back in the day day, our heads weren’t much bigger than a small monkey’s…or my late Uncle Rudy’s.

But Rudy was a smoker and had trouble tying his own shoes.

Oddly though, he had no trouble tying other people’s shoes.

Anyway, as man evolved and began using his noodle to search for food sources, shelter and a cable TV company that didn’t charge for Pay Per View, so did his head size. 

Until about 30 thousand years ago when head size leveled off.

Then about 5 or 6 thousand year ago, when the first McDonald’s drive-thrus made their appearance, head size began to shrink again.

Coincidentally, that was also around the time that the comedians Rosanne, Gallagher and Carrot Top came onto the scene and began to define what is sometimes referred to as the modern comedic error…uh, I mean era.

And now recent studies over the last 10 years show that our heads are getting bigger once again.

Probably because learning how to program a new mobile phone every two years is enough to make anyone’s head explode.

However, keep in mind that this specific data is based solely on the study of skulls that were donated by various adults to the few scientific organizations that deal with this sort of thing. 

This leaves me to wonder if these particularly charitable folks didn’t have a whole lot going on in the head size department to begin with.

I mean who donates their skull to anyone? 

How are people supposed to get invited to parties let alone hold a job without a skull?

Nobody wants to see that.




  1. Someone grew a pumpkin that weighs a ton.

    1. How don't usually find overweight pumpkin growers….

  2. Well, it was mostly because of the size of his head.


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