Monday, October 29, 2012

Sleep Styling

Sitting here, waiting for the BIG storm to descend is a bit nerve rattling.

Which is strange for me because my nerves are usually rattle free in these types of situations.

But here I sit, listening to the wind rustle the tress, just a hint of what’s to come.

In theory, storms of the century come only …well…once every century…but we seem to get them almost every other year now.

I guess because everything is soooooo competitive these days.

This one has been a bit more anxiety producing; I think because it seems to be unfolding in slow motion.

But we’re up on high ground and I have my generator set and ready to go.

So we should be okay, and hopefully we’ll sleep through the worst of it.

But in the back room, safely away from the big tree in the front yard…with one eye open.

Speaking of sleeping…..

Hey…the show must go on…right?

recent article reports that the manner in which you sleep is indicative of what sort of personality you possess.

Fetal position, Log, Yearner, Free Faller…all snoozing positions that say something about you.

So you better hope you’ve been nice to them, or they might just say something less than complimentary.

This particular article struck a chord in me—which, besides being rude, can be quite painful—because, as legend has it, I once had a great, great, great aunt, who, one day, suddenly began sleeping in the corner of the attic, hanging by her toes. My other relatives, at the time, found this behavior to be more than peculiar, because, up ‘til then, she had only been sleeping in the basement, under the stairs. 

But, yes, that did tell them all they needed to know about her.

But I digress…sort of.

Anyway, depending on what style of sleep you adopt, those who observe such things—and avoid arrest—can size you up to a tee…which would make you very short.

If you hit the pillow and immediately fall into a “Fetal Position”, which, apparently, almost half of us do, it tells these researchers, that you overthink things way too much, and, of course, worry about everything, including the battered pillow and all of the overthinking that you’re doing.

It also tells them that you’re seeking comfort, which is not all that difficult to figure out, PhD or not, since you just got into bed.

What else would you be seeking, other than a room that didn’t include a bunch of scientists in it, keeping you up all night?

Another 30% of folks sleep in what’s called the “Log Position”, which, just as it sounds, means you sleep straight as a log, hands pressed firmly to your sides.

This indicates that in addition to being a veritable sleeping stiff, your personality is prone to being equally as rigid in the way you conduct your day to day life.

I suppose this means that changing your brand of cereal is out of the question, plus you’re prone to chasing young children off of your lawn.

25% of sleepers are “Yearners” and are very fond of the Statue of Liberty (if you can figure out that one, you know me way too well, and are very, very good).

 “Yearners” sleep with their arms extended, as if reaching for the stars. They jump out of bed each and every day, ready to face the world, full of excitement…but, unfortunately, can sometimes lack focus and tragically end up chasing someone else’s dreams by mistake.

Which is kind of what happened to my cousin Albert, notorious in family circles for his crippling childhood fear of clowns, who somehow inexplicably found himself running off to join the circus, which was his next door neighbor’s dream.

If you’re among the 17% of us who sleep in the “Freefall” position—face down on your stomach, arms and legs stretched, every which way—aside from causing endless marital discord, it means that you’re trying to gain control over some measure of time and space, lacking in your waking hours.

It might also mean you’re getting the least amount of rest than all the other sleeper types, mentioned above but, if you tie weight belts onto your ankle and wrists, you’ll be able to skip your morning workout on most days.

Then there are the minor sleeping positions such as the Starfishers” who sleep on their backs and tend to be open, which makes for good friends, and “Soldier Position” folks, who also sleep on their backs, but tend to salute all night long.

However, both of these sleepers are prone to nocturnal breathing problems since others are prone to covering up their heads with pillows, mostly because they snore a lot and are disturbing to look at in the middle of the night

And then of course there are people like me who rigidly begin each night in the fetal position, morph into the “Yearner”, followed by the Freefaller, until ending up like a Starfish Soldier, with a pillow over my head.


I have issues…..





  1. Makes me think of my daughter and son in law. He snores; she grinds her teeth. The neighbors often call to tell us to knock it off, but they usually just call the police. Who does these studies anyway? Do they get paid? I think I'll do a study of dentists' conversations while their patients are gagged -- though not always bound.

  2. the wind here is incredible...and quite scary. hopefully we can all get some sleep tonight....


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