Sunday, July 24, 2011

On the 62nd day

And on the 62nd day he went to the sea, looked back on all he had created throughout the previous 61 and said:

“Sunscreen?  I don’t need no stinkin sunscreen!”

The vast crowd that had assembled, parted on the beach and watched as the man with the badly burned and peeling nose walked to the water’s edge.

Observe the fishes of the sea, for they speak to you a wisdom far beyond that which I, or any man, can provide.”

To which a woman, who was eating directly from a Chicken of the Sea Tuna can—gross as that may seem, for she was a gross woman—stepped forth and said:

What fishes?  All I see is a bunch of snot nosed kids riding boogie boards…making it impossible to swim”

Ahhhhh” said the wise man, since he finally passed the gas from last night’s burrito.

He recovered and spoke.

Gross woman, are we not all but fish in one great sea?  Are we not all swimming for the shores of wisdom?  Have you not gathered here today to learn the lesson I can teach you?

The crowd then began to murmur—again—and talked among themselves until a fisherman dropped his pole and approached him.

The wise man smiled and embraced the fisherman with kind, but runny eyes, as he was allergic to the ragweed that prospered amongst the dunes. It also occurred to him that he might score a blue fish, or at least a flounder.

Tell me dear fisherman, what words do you wish me to share with you today?”

The fisherman looked to the fine white sand beneath his badly chapped feet, chose his words carefully, then spoke, in the language common to the fisherman, because to not do so would be uncommon, not to mention peculiar. 

Words…we don’t need no stinkin words. We’re only here because we thought you were the ice cream guy!”

At which time the real ice cream guy rang his bell, shouted “Come and get it!  Ice Cream..come and get it!” And with that the crowd ran wildly in his direction.

Who wouldn’t?

The wise man watched as they went, shielding his eyes from all the sand they had kicked in their hurried departure, and said…

I knew this wasn’t my usual crowd”.

Then he walked into the sea, grateful for the lesson he had learned that day…until a boogie board appeared, bonked him on the head and pushed him under a wave.

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